OMG, we just watched Hansel and Gretel! This movie is just fabulous. If you ever have a day when you just plain don't feel like a good mom, show this to your kids. Fairytales are excellent ways to make a child think you are the most amazing mom ever. The people who wrote them were very clever in that. It never ceases to amaze me how doggone evil those stories are. The devil mom is up to her eyeballs in self pity and husband loathing. Wah, wah, wah where is my supper? At one point she tells the kids that they should go to bed and if they are lucky they will never wake up. Hurry, call the Whambulance. Whine-one-one.
She flips her shit over a pitcher of milk spilt by a donkey in her house and demands her kids run away to pick berries. They are scorned and not to return until they fill buckets full of berries and then she proceeds to cry her eyes out over a half eaten custard until much later when her husband returns. AWESOME!! I mean seriously, is this something to get all bent over? If it is then my kids would have been sent packing after they made eggs in their play kitchen and fed them to the carpet, and a hundred times again, thereafter.
The husband returns well after the kids have delved into No-No land to find his wife all strung out and snoozing on the table next to the custard pan, her face streaked with tears. He has brought her a whole bag of pig meat and flour as a peace offering after she boxes his ears for not sticking up for himself and allowing her to starve. She dances around with her ham and she gets all happy and crap. Yay, I have some supper now. All is good with the world again. I think at this point a good regimen of Prozac washed down with whiskey is in order. Suddenly she pulls her head out of her bum and realizes she is a creep and that she should have ever been allowed to be a mom. She fesses up that she sucks and they go running into the woods after the children.
The children have since come upon the bewitched house in the forbidden Northwoods, after evil crow eats their trail markers (I really, really, really hate crows and would be perfectly happy if they just went away but all good stories need villans. Crows are good villans.) The wicked witch is corny and cracked out and hilarious. Grizelda, the twisted sister, pastry wielding fiend, lures poor starved wretches into her world of wicked chaos by wooing them with pie, stories and comfy beds. She deserves that name, Grizelda, for in my eyes, all evil things should have been given the name Zelda. Instead of eating kids she dips them into magic batter and makes them into a ginger bread fence but other wise the story is as our grannies told us. Hansel and Gretel manage to escape being fence fixins but a poor duck walks the walk of the crazy cookie. The kids trick Grizelda and the house spews what looks like cherry Icee all over the forest. This part is really special. The kids are free. . .
Happy ending and everyone goes skipping off down the road.
The moral of the story for me is to always show this movie when I want my kids to know that I am not the meanest mom in the universe. Oh, and not all sweet things come to a good end so eat your damn veggies.
My kids reviews: Sophie~ It has a lot of scary parts and a mean mommy. The witch can be nice except if she isn't. Flynn~ It is ossm and I like da duck da best. Lets watch it again.
She flips her shit over a pitcher of milk spilt by a donkey in her house and demands her kids run away to pick berries. They are scorned and not to return until they fill buckets full of berries and then she proceeds to cry her eyes out over a half eaten custard until much later when her husband returns. AWESOME!! I mean seriously, is this something to get all bent over? If it is then my kids would have been sent packing after they made eggs in their play kitchen and fed them to the carpet, and a hundred times again, thereafter.
The husband returns well after the kids have delved into No-No land to find his wife all strung out and snoozing on the table next to the custard pan, her face streaked with tears. He has brought her a whole bag of pig meat and flour as a peace offering after she boxes his ears for not sticking up for himself and allowing her to starve. She dances around with her ham and she gets all happy and crap. Yay, I have some supper now. All is good with the world again. I think at this point a good regimen of Prozac washed down with whiskey is in order. Suddenly she pulls her head out of her bum and realizes she is a creep and that she should have ever been allowed to be a mom. She fesses up that she sucks and they go running into the woods after the children.
The children have since come upon the bewitched house in the forbidden Northwoods, after evil crow eats their trail markers (I really, really, really hate crows and would be perfectly happy if they just went away but all good stories need villans. Crows are good villans.) The wicked witch is corny and cracked out and hilarious. Grizelda, the twisted sister, pastry wielding fiend, lures poor starved wretches into her world of wicked chaos by wooing them with pie, stories and comfy beds. She deserves that name, Grizelda, for in my eyes, all evil things should have been given the name Zelda. Instead of eating kids she dips them into magic batter and makes them into a ginger bread fence but other wise the story is as our grannies told us. Hansel and Gretel manage to escape being fence fixins but a poor duck walks the walk of the crazy cookie. The kids trick Grizelda and the house spews what looks like cherry Icee all over the forest. This part is really special. The kids are free. . .
Happy ending and everyone goes skipping off down the road.
The moral of the story for me is to always show this movie when I want my kids to know that I am not the meanest mom in the universe. Oh, and not all sweet things come to a good end so eat your damn veggies.
My kids reviews: Sophie~ It has a lot of scary parts and a mean mommy. The witch can be nice except if she isn't. Flynn~ It is ossm and I like da duck da best. Lets watch it again.
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