I am very tired tonight so I am making a list of ten crazy things that have happened to me as a nurse. I didn't have time to take good pics of the patinad metal I made so this is my replacement. Please don't make the mistake of thinking these are the only ten things. I could make many lists such as this.
1. I was dressing a homeless man's foot who had been admitted with frost bite. The dressing order was to wind lose Kerlix gauze through the toes and secure with tape. Well in the process one of the toes kind of fell off. I was a fairly new nurse and was seeing malpractice billboards with my name on them as I was trying to hold off the volumes of vomit that I wanted to spew. I run out to seek council from my wise and more experienced colleagues. Their response~ "Meh, it happens. "
2. One night I found myself on the pointy end of a switch blade. It was lovely and had an eagle picture on the handle made out of inlaid stones. We have these little safety devices that we can push if we need help that are pinned on with our badges. I push it frantically and wait, hoping for a speedy response. The charge nurse, who was a past military medic, and had also been working as a nurse for 25 years, comes in calm as a clam and says "Hey, that is cool. Can I see it?" as he grabs the knife and walks right out of the room.
3. I was privy to witness a quadruple bypass surgery on my last day of nursing school. It is very complicated and fascinating. When all is said and done, they restart the heart and blood shoots up like 5 feet in the air. The surgeon states "And we sprung a leak!"
4. When I was pregnant with Sophie the fabulous day charge nurse assigns me a patient with a prolapsed uterus who is too sick to survive surgery. I go to do my assessment and part of it is checking all body systems. I pull back the sheet to take a look at her legs and what do I find? The uterus laying on the bed next to a pile of poop. I pulled the code light and spent the whole time the other nurses were cleaning her up, hurling in the bathroom. I am sure the patient enjoyed that situation as much as I did.
5. I was held hostage by a very "wound up" man. I was trying to help his nurse to get him to open the door. He decided he wanted to talk to me only and let me in. He then barricaded the door and wouldn't let me out until the doctor came to talk to him. It only took 45 minutes or so. During the hostage time his wife told me that she had put two very strong analgesic/narcotic patches on him because one didn't work (these things take time.) When they didn't work immediately she brought him in for pain management. They put him on a narcotic PCA. Meanwhile the double dose of pain patch kicked in. I learned first hand the importance of a good skin assessment.
6. One night when I was charge nurse I was making rounds and one of the patients was sitting shredding news papers in the corner, like a gerbil. I make a few polite as possible comments on how we like to try and keep the rooms clean and if he would be so kind, not to make a nest in the corner. His response is to ask for more cans of hand sanitizing foam. He had ingested up to 3 cans which I found in the trash and was looking for another fix. Sometimes cleanliness is not next to Godliness.
7. I walked in on a guy pleasuring himself one night. This was not the first time and not the last time that had happened. I begged one of the male CNAs to go in with me to confront the situation. The fun part of this story is that he was admitted with Priapism, or an erection that will not go away. He caused this by injecting cocaine in his private area. Part of the treatment was to make an incision and drain the blood. Apparently his doctor told him to make sure and pleasure himself if he started feeling "um, full." I would have liked to have killed that doc, for I got the clean up the bloody mess. Nice.
8. One night on a particularly stressful night shift I decided to go outside for some air and a moment to myself. I am minding my own business across from the ER and a guy walks up to me with two steak knives sticking out of his chest and asks me what he should do. First off you should have called 911, second you shouldn't have pissed off your chick and third it says ER right there, pointing to ER door. Have fun not setting off the metal detector.
9. One of my isolation patients had just had his trach suctioned by respiratory and I was leaving the room after helping them with him. I washed my hands and was in the process of taking my gown off and putting it in the trash when he coughs and I turn around to see if he is OK. I got hit full on with a MRSA sputum, loogie right in the chest, on my scrubs. I spent the rest of the shift in an intimate relationship with the "Purple Death Wipes" scrubbing my top, not caring that the wipes were not to be used on skin.
10. We had a very sweet, homeless, immigrant man who I have many fond and not so fond stories of. He injured himself after sniffing too much paint. One of my favorites was one day he was particularly ripe and was refusing to wash up. He was kind of like Pigpen in that he was always surrounded in a cloud of dust. I always worked nights and just happened to be on a day shift when they do baths this particular day. He was giving me "what for" about not taking a bath as was his usual routine. I was fed up with his aroma and decided to pick his ass up and put him in the shower. He was all of 90 pounds so not to hard to manage. I literally lifted him up and walked him over to the shower. I stood at the door and walked him through the whole showering process. He washed his hair about four times while I tried to clean his room and not let him out of my sight at the same time. FUN. He was laughing his head off the whole time. Just when I was about satisfied that he may be clean he grabs the little bottle of pink lotion and dumps it on his head. The other nurses were not happy that we caused a flood but they were pleased that their olfactory sense was not as traumatized any longer.
1. I was dressing a homeless man's foot who had been admitted with frost bite. The dressing order was to wind lose Kerlix gauze through the toes and secure with tape. Well in the process one of the toes kind of fell off. I was a fairly new nurse and was seeing malpractice billboards with my name on them as I was trying to hold off the volumes of vomit that I wanted to spew. I run out to seek council from my wise and more experienced colleagues. Their response~ "Meh, it happens. "
2. One night I found myself on the pointy end of a switch blade. It was lovely and had an eagle picture on the handle made out of inlaid stones. We have these little safety devices that we can push if we need help that are pinned on with our badges. I push it frantically and wait, hoping for a speedy response. The charge nurse, who was a past military medic, and had also been working as a nurse for 25 years, comes in calm as a clam and says "Hey, that is cool. Can I see it?" as he grabs the knife and walks right out of the room.
3. I was privy to witness a quadruple bypass surgery on my last day of nursing school. It is very complicated and fascinating. When all is said and done, they restart the heart and blood shoots up like 5 feet in the air. The surgeon states "And we sprung a leak!"
4. When I was pregnant with Sophie the fabulous day charge nurse assigns me a patient with a prolapsed uterus who is too sick to survive surgery. I go to do my assessment and part of it is checking all body systems. I pull back the sheet to take a look at her legs and what do I find? The uterus laying on the bed next to a pile of poop. I pulled the code light and spent the whole time the other nurses were cleaning her up, hurling in the bathroom. I am sure the patient enjoyed that situation as much as I did.
5. I was held hostage by a very "wound up" man. I was trying to help his nurse to get him to open the door. He decided he wanted to talk to me only and let me in. He then barricaded the door and wouldn't let me out until the doctor came to talk to him. It only took 45 minutes or so. During the hostage time his wife told me that she had put two very strong analgesic/narcotic patches on him because one didn't work (these things take time.) When they didn't work immediately she brought him in for pain management. They put him on a narcotic PCA. Meanwhile the double dose of pain patch kicked in. I learned first hand the importance of a good skin assessment.
6. One night when I was charge nurse I was making rounds and one of the patients was sitting shredding news papers in the corner, like a gerbil. I make a few polite as possible comments on how we like to try and keep the rooms clean and if he would be so kind, not to make a nest in the corner. His response is to ask for more cans of hand sanitizing foam. He had ingested up to 3 cans which I found in the trash and was looking for another fix. Sometimes cleanliness is not next to Godliness.
7. I walked in on a guy pleasuring himself one night. This was not the first time and not the last time that had happened. I begged one of the male CNAs to go in with me to confront the situation. The fun part of this story is that he was admitted with Priapism, or an erection that will not go away. He caused this by injecting cocaine in his private area. Part of the treatment was to make an incision and drain the blood. Apparently his doctor told him to make sure and pleasure himself if he started feeling "um, full." I would have liked to have killed that doc, for I got the clean up the bloody mess. Nice.
8. One night on a particularly stressful night shift I decided to go outside for some air and a moment to myself. I am minding my own business across from the ER and a guy walks up to me with two steak knives sticking out of his chest and asks me what he should do. First off you should have called 911, second you shouldn't have pissed off your chick and third it says ER right there, pointing to ER door. Have fun not setting off the metal detector.
9. One of my isolation patients had just had his trach suctioned by respiratory and I was leaving the room after helping them with him. I washed my hands and was in the process of taking my gown off and putting it in the trash when he coughs and I turn around to see if he is OK. I got hit full on with a MRSA sputum, loogie right in the chest, on my scrubs. I spent the rest of the shift in an intimate relationship with the "Purple Death Wipes" scrubbing my top, not caring that the wipes were not to be used on skin.
10. We had a very sweet, homeless, immigrant man who I have many fond and not so fond stories of. He injured himself after sniffing too much paint. One of my favorites was one day he was particularly ripe and was refusing to wash up. He was kind of like Pigpen in that he was always surrounded in a cloud of dust. I always worked nights and just happened to be on a day shift when they do baths this particular day. He was giving me "what for" about not taking a bath as was his usual routine. I was fed up with his aroma and decided to pick his ass up and put him in the shower. He was all of 90 pounds so not to hard to manage. I literally lifted him up and walked him over to the shower. I stood at the door and walked him through the whole showering process. He washed his hair about four times while I tried to clean his room and not let him out of my sight at the same time. FUN. He was laughing his head off the whole time. Just when I was about satisfied that he may be clean he grabs the little bottle of pink lotion and dumps it on his head. The other nurses were not happy that we caused a flood but they were pleased that their olfactory sense was not as traumatized any longer.
Jill you have me in stitches. I love this. Keep up the great blogging.
ReplyDeleteHAHA! Connie, the uterus one happened on 7. LOL.
ReplyDeleteJill, I need more of these. They crack me up as I think of my rotations on the ambulance and in the ER. We'll have to compare stories one day.
ReplyDeleteJill,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this! You should write a book!
This made me happy/sad I never became a nurse!
>>Heather E.