I Just Don't Dig on Swine

My favorite scene from a movie EVER!!
Vincent: Want some bacon? 
Jules: No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have 
to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'? 

Reason?  I just don't dig on swine.  Yet some fool is always trying to ruin my day with some bacon, pork pieces, HAM!! 

 I do not like no flippin HAM, I do not like it sir or mam. 

 I do not like fried piggy strips, I do not like them so kiss my grits!!!

 I hate pork chops, SO MAKE IT STOP!!  

 I do not like pig here or there, I DO NOT LIKE pig anywhere!!

 No oink oink here, no oink oink there, there is no oink oink anywhere.

I made a big huge, outrageous point to clarifying my salad must not come into contact with fried pig strips.  So I get a salad free from swine.  Oh happy day!  So genius thinks she hears me say I want potato with bacon and cheese.  HELL NO!  I just don't dig on greasy yellow cheese either.  She tried to put it down on in front of me and the old heave-ho starts.  I all but begged not to do it and she did it anyway!!  I DON'T DIG ON SWINE, SUNSHINE.  Why in heaven's name would I explicitly ask for no bacon on a salad if I wanted a side of swine on my fries?  What is the appeal to bacon?  Seriously?  

I have very bad luck.  I think so many people worship the piggy that they just don't comprehend the revulsion it gives me.  Some poor unfortunate soul pigged up my sandwich once when I was preggers with Sophie.  I think they may be scared for life.  I went all exorcist on her.  Oh and for the record don't try pulling DR. Pepper on me either.  Lest ye be schooled.  Someone buy me this quick

I am unable to be pleasant tonight.  THE END