The ten most ridiculous things that happened to me today.
1. I had to sleep in the bed with my son because his dad snored too loud and Flynn is quiet. I woke up to his cheesy grin and dragon breath in my face. That child smells worse than any other human being I have ever met and I am a nurse that worked at County.
2. I walked past the TV, at 11 A.M., and The Blind Side had just started. It is like crack. One of those movies I HAVE TO WATCH. I did not take a shower until 2. P.U.
3. My son told me he is a girl and his name is Chocolate Fairy. I really hope this is a joke because I will be needing therapy if I am required to call my son Chocolate Fairy. Not to mention he is so damn white he is almost see through.
4. The jokeasses at McDonalds gave my daughter caramel sauce with her apples and it is currently sliding it's way down her car seat and the leather in the Jeep. That shit should be illegal. I mean really? What the CRAP? I do not have the strength or patience to tackle that task tonight.
5. I met my mom at the Colorado Mills Mall and my son ran towards her like people do in the movies. It was almost all slo-mo and stuff. When he got to her his feet flew up and he landed flat smack on his bum. I bet he was super happy that he still wears diapers today. Extra padding.
6. We were shopping at Burlington (I have been schooled in that it is just Burington now and X the Coat Factory part,) and a sales associate saw me struggling with my purchases and kids. Clothes and kids were flying everywhere!! She brought me a cart and taught me how to safety belt my purse to the cart seat. It left me envisioning some fool trying to jack me. I woud feel really sorry for anyone who did. I am as mean as a rattler who got his tail nipped by a hiker. I may be a chunk but I have a mean hook punch.
7. My children and their cousins made my mom and I do a "choreographed" dance to this song, The Witch Song. Aiden directed us in a very serious way. We brought our milkshake to the yard, uh huh. They are really lucky that we are half foolish. Well I think I am more than half but I don't think my dad would appreciate this theory.
8. While at my sister's house, which I am highly allergic to, I sneezed. HOT DAMN! It hurt so bad I felt like one of those aliens was digging his way out of my throat. If you are ever unfortunate enough to have throat surgery, try and do it outside of allergy season. I am taking prophylactic Benadryl from here on.
9. I was driving out of Hedi's driveway and my phone rang from the hossy. I know it was the surgeon because it was after business hours and the office staff leave at 5. The only people that ever call after 5 are the doctors, which means he was most likely calling to tell me my path report. The bluetooth would not connect and I missed the call. I have been very impatiently waiting for that call. My bluetooth always connects. Why now?
10. Just now I was chatting with my sissy and the phone rang from my other sissies house. I answered and heard my mom say "What a Devil," and she hung up. We got a good chuckle out of it. She called back and told me she thought the call didn't connect and she said "What the Devil?" HAHAHAHA! I swear I heard "what a devil!" She did tell me I was Devil Spawn once. She didn't like what that says about her.
1. I had to sleep in the bed with my son because his dad snored too loud and Flynn is quiet. I woke up to his cheesy grin and dragon breath in my face. That child smells worse than any other human being I have ever met and I am a nurse that worked at County.
2. I walked past the TV, at 11 A.M., and The Blind Side had just started. It is like crack. One of those movies I HAVE TO WATCH. I did not take a shower until 2. P.U.
3. My son told me he is a girl and his name is Chocolate Fairy. I really hope this is a joke because I will be needing therapy if I am required to call my son Chocolate Fairy. Not to mention he is so damn white he is almost see through.
4. The jokeasses at McDonalds gave my daughter caramel sauce with her apples and it is currently sliding it's way down her car seat and the leather in the Jeep. That shit should be illegal. I mean really? What the CRAP? I do not have the strength or patience to tackle that task tonight.
5. I met my mom at the Colorado Mills Mall and my son ran towards her like people do in the movies. It was almost all slo-mo and stuff. When he got to her his feet flew up and he landed flat smack on his bum. I bet he was super happy that he still wears diapers today. Extra padding.
6. We were shopping at Burlington (I have been schooled in that it is just Burington now and X the Coat Factory part,) and a sales associate saw me struggling with my purchases and kids. Clothes and kids were flying everywhere!! She brought me a cart and taught me how to safety belt my purse to the cart seat. It left me envisioning some fool trying to jack me. I woud feel really sorry for anyone who did. I am as mean as a rattler who got his tail nipped by a hiker. I may be a chunk but I have a mean hook punch.
7. My children and their cousins made my mom and I do a "choreographed" dance to this song, The Witch Song. Aiden directed us in a very serious way. We brought our milkshake to the yard, uh huh. They are really lucky that we are half foolish. Well I think I am more than half but I don't think my dad would appreciate this theory.
8. While at my sister's house, which I am highly allergic to, I sneezed. HOT DAMN! It hurt so bad I felt like one of those aliens was digging his way out of my throat. If you are ever unfortunate enough to have throat surgery, try and do it outside of allergy season. I am taking prophylactic Benadryl from here on.
10. Just now I was chatting with my sissy and the phone rang from my other sissies house. I answered and heard my mom say "What a Devil," and she hung up. We got a good chuckle out of it. She called back and told me she thought the call didn't connect and she said "What the Devil?" HAHAHAHA! I swear I heard "what a devil!" She did tell me I was Devil Spawn once. She didn't like what that says about her.
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