I had a dream last night/this morning in which I was The Bachelorette and I was a contestant on a cruise ship. I would like to say that ABC can kiss my butt. They did an absolutely terrible job of picking my bachelors. The dates were ridiculous, one of which was a drinking game that had drinks with umbrellas. I do not even like umbrella drinks, so what gives? I much prefer scotch, Guinness and wine. Aren't shots more appropriate for drinking games, anyway? Also why a cruise ship? Even the nicest staterooms do not hold a candle to the Bachelor Pad. I really like the rose garden out front and would have enjoyed that much more. Also I never got to cruise around in a ridiculously expensive car. No fair.
The finale was a mock wedding and there were all of these "Italian" rituals being done to make sure that the engagement and marriage would be long and "fruitful." I had to wear a wedding dress and we had a cake fight. There was a baseball game, indoors, in which some old Rockies players showed up. I was really mad because I wanted to kiss my bachelor and the game went into way to many overtimes. The only Rockies I recognized were Dante Bichette, and Ubaldo Jimenez, which we will get to in a bit. I don't even really like Dante Bichette. I had to wait on him at El Rancho once and he wasn't very nice even though he was pretty awesome as a player back in the day. I am pretty sure the Italian people would have me stoned to death if those rituals were carried out in their name. There were a bunch of other details that have already been submersed into my subconscience and for that I am probably better off.
The world's most ridiculous baseball game was finally coming to a close and I heard a dog barking. It was actually the ring tone for my grandma on my phone. I chose that one so I would always know when it was her calling, just in case there was something wrong. I always answer when the dog barks, so needless to say, I woke up. She was calling to check up on how I was feeling and remind me that my sister left me a goody basket at her house from Happy Cakes. I was really mad because I never got to nosh on my bachelor's pout. He was to be Ubaldo Jiminez. Thanks Grammy.
I do really love the talent of Ubaldo and am grateful that I get to witness this talent in my home state of Colorado. I appreciate his ability to bring us to glorious victories over teams like the Pitts. Pirates. GO UBALDO!! P.P. suck for hurting your hand. What I do not appreciate is that, although he is not bad looking, Ubaldo is not Todd Helton. He is my real, baseball playing, fantasy boyfriend. I would like to order the Hot Toddy, please. A second choice would be Dexter Fowler. ABC, next time would you get it right? Put a little more effort into the bachelor selections. Do you even care about your contestants at all, or is this just a big joke to you. Stop being jokeasses. Thanks.
The finale was a mock wedding and there were all of these "Italian" rituals being done to make sure that the engagement and marriage would be long and "fruitful." I had to wear a wedding dress and we had a cake fight. There was a baseball game, indoors, in which some old Rockies players showed up. I was really mad because I wanted to kiss my bachelor and the game went into way to many overtimes. The only Rockies I recognized were Dante Bichette, and Ubaldo Jimenez, which we will get to in a bit. I don't even really like Dante Bichette. I had to wait on him at El Rancho once and he wasn't very nice even though he was pretty awesome as a player back in the day. I am pretty sure the Italian people would have me stoned to death if those rituals were carried out in their name. There were a bunch of other details that have already been submersed into my subconscience and for that I am probably better off.
The world's most ridiculous baseball game was finally coming to a close and I heard a dog barking. It was actually the ring tone for my grandma on my phone. I chose that one so I would always know when it was her calling, just in case there was something wrong. I always answer when the dog barks, so needless to say, I woke up. She was calling to check up on how I was feeling and remind me that my sister left me a goody basket at her house from Happy Cakes. I was really mad because I never got to nosh on my bachelor's pout. He was to be Ubaldo Jiminez. Thanks Grammy.
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| You do have a mean arm, boyfriend. |
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