IT IS NOT THYROID CANCER

Thank GOD!  I do not have thyroid cancer after all.  The surgeon was super agressive and stated to me it was probably cancer and the whole thyroid must come out.  I am so relieved he was wrong.  I have spent over a month as tense and freaked out as I think it is possible to be. It feels really weird to have all that pent up tension be gone. It is literally like a weight has lifted.

From what the surgeon told me, it was nearly the size of a golf ball which is way bigger than when I had the scan two months ago.  I guess it is good to have gotten the whole thing out just to be safe but now I have to be on thyroid meds forever.  No big deal.  It is worth it to not have that thing pressing on my throat anymore.

I want to send a sincere thank you from the depths of my heart to every person that has prayed for me and shown me support through this difficult time.  You are/were all very instrumental in my healing and hope through this.

I would also like to apologize to anyone that I have maybe not been so nice to.  It has been brought to my attention that several friends and family members have approached my husband and told him they think I have been really mean lately.  I never meant to be and if I hurt anyone, I am truly sorry.  It has not been an easy last three years.  I have had more stress than I can handle and it is not right for me to take it out on anyone.

Now that the health scare is under control, hopefully my stupid house will finally sell so I never have to think of that nightmare again either.  I am very much over feeling like I am waiting to exhale.  I want to be happy and feel free again.

This news today has made me realize that I need to strive to do whatever it takes to be happy.  I have been given the gift of this life and need to make it the best life possible.  I do not want to feel like I have been anymore.  I pray I make the choices I need to in order to make this happen.

Thank You GOD for bringing me through this. Thank you everyone.  

I Am A Little LaLaLoopsy

Thyroid surgery has brought me one very special thing.  A new LaLaLoopsy Doll.  Her name is Pillow Featherbed and she is dressed in her jammies, just like me.  My very best friend has brought her to visit me and I am in love.  I am not going to even try to lie and say I get these things for my kid.  That would just be wrong and deceitful.  I am a gigantic child at heart, always have been and always will be.

Getting Ready For a Nap

Best Friends

Here she is in a solo shot and one with her friend Blossom Flowerpot.  LaLaLoopsy is a good description for how I feel.  The Vicodin has made me a LilLilLoopsy.  Sadly I am loopsy but it still hurts.  I do feel less like some mad, axe murderer has tried to saw my head off today though, so I guess it is a start and I will gladly take it.  One super bumming side effect of the surgery is I have a bit of bronchitis from the trach tube.  I have been coughing like a mad hatter and that doesn't do much for the incision pain.  :)

Hello Kitty Ice Pack Is Helping

I am spending the day in my two favorite articles of clothing.  My Hello Kitty Jammie bottoms and my Chewwy's New Hair shirt.  J.J. also brought me a Hello Kitty ice pack and bandaids.  I promptly needed a bandaid when I tried to slice my thumb open using a knife to open my LaLaLoopsy.  She sure did think of everything.  That is why I love her so.

Hello Kitty Jammies My Hubs Bought me for Valentines day

Chewwy Shirt

I am not even caring that I look like ass crap in these pics.  I just wanted to share all of my fun stuff.  Here is one last pic of my booboo on my thumb and the coolest band aid ever.

Hello Kitty to Save The day

MMMM? Makes you wonder why they have to make toys so darn hard to open.  When I worked at the hossy the number one injury on Christmas was from parents trying to open the kids toys.  Anyhow, that is a different discussion.  I am off to spend some quality time snoozing in my comfies and trying not to cough.  Thanks again for every prayer, gift, get well thought and all of the love from everyone.  You are all truly amazing and I love you.

Jilly

Get Well Flowers

My baby girl made sure to tell grandma to get her mommy roses as get well flowers, because her mommy is allergic to all the other flowers.  Gosh, I love that kid.  She takes good care of me.   The other flowers are the weirdest flowers I have ever seen, from work.  I think they are dead, but it is the thought that counts.  :)  I am sure glad they are thinking of me and praying for me.

I don't have much to say tonight.  I am in more pain than I expected.  What I can say with certainty is that Vicodin is a joke.  I just need to buck up and do some lamaze breathing or something.  Lord knows I didn't ever use that when I was supposed to.  Tonight is going to be a movie night.  My babies are still at their Crappa Mark's.  I am praying for a better day tomorrow.  Night Night.

A Little Bitty Bit Chopped Out

I have a bitty bit of me chopped out now.  My thyroid is gone and so is the the tumor.  The doc was talking like he does believe it is cancer and it was connected to my parathyroid glands but they were able to save them.  He said they turned dusky after he detached them but they came around.  I won't have the official diagnosis for about a week probably.  The original biopsy said suspicious for follicular cancer.

The incision doesn't look as bad as I expected.  I think I only have steri-strips instead of sutures which means less scar!!! Which means WOOT!!  The dressing is completely ridiculous.  It is a pressure dressing that doesn't even cover the incision at all.  It feels like a softball banded to my neck.  That is the worst part.

Portrait of Hotness. LOL.

My Sliced Neck

I had a really cool nurse for the pre-op.  She had me cracking up, which you all know makes me very happy.  Funny people RULE.  My floor nurse was funny and awesome.  We shared some fun stories while my voice held out.  I have barely got a voice at all right now. My right vocal cord nerve took a beating.  I hope it is not permanent because I sound like a Sandpaper Sally.

Darrell bought me the biggest shake I have ever seen.  It is fit for the Andre the Giant types of the world.  Jamocha jamakas me sooooo happy.

Thanks for all of the prayers and messages.  Everyone has really helped me through this.  I love ya guys.  Keep them coming though because it is looking like I may be having a meeting with the radioactive iodine in my future.  Not a super big deal, but not ideal.  I will update again soon because I am watching Happy Gilmore with my dood.  Also, I can't miss Top Model. That would be a total shame.  LMAO!

Saying Goodbye To The Whole Me

Tonight is the last night I am going to bed as the whole me.  It is so weird to know I am going tomorrow to get a whole piece of me chopped out.  I will have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life because my arch nemesis, cANCER, has decided to pay me a visit.  Well it is not 100% for sure cancer but the ENT surgeon says it is "probable" cancer.  I HATE cANCER!!  It is not welcome here, so get out STUPID nemesis!!  For 6 weeks now I have felt like an evil parasite has hitched a ride in me and I have not been my self much.  It is a horrible feeling if ever I had one.

My daughter is staying at my grandma's tonight and when Grammy said I was on the prayer chain at church, she was really unhappy.  She told them I was supposed to be going to the doctor, not Church! I envision her thinking I was on a chain, hanging somewhere at church.  Just waiting for whatever they do to people on chains in a church.  LOL.  I, of course, think it must be like a prisoner in the Bastille or something.  Chained to a wall awaiting an evil outcome, crazed and cachectic.  She is always my comedienne, even when she is not trying.  That made me laugh even though I kind of want to cry.

I have a nervousness I only get before really important tests like the MCAT, NCLEX, and Organic Chemistry tests, but worse.  I am more nervous than I was before I went to the hospital before having Sophie, knowing I had to push a watermelon out of a grape.  The only thing that ever made me as nervous as this is when I went to see Sophie on the ultrasound, after having two miscarriages in a row, and there was no heartbeat.  We were there a day too soon for that. That is the only time I ever remember feeling like this.

I am scared and I don't scare easily.  I jumped out of a perfectly good plane once and didn't feel close to this.  You would think as a nurse, I could be more rational.  I guess it is a time for better living through pharmacology.  That was my motto when I worked on ortho/neuro surgery floor. Now it is my turn.  I do not wish to be on this end of the hospital bed.  I am a very, very, very bad patient.  I am thankful my best friend and husband will be there.  I think I may need a binkie with some Ativan, Vitamin A, as I fondly refer to it when seeking a means to a calmer more reasonable patient.  Please if you have a spare moment and believe, pray for me.  Please and Thanks.

Night.

Love,

Jilly

P.S. Maybe I will, at least, have a thinner neck now.  I hate my fat neck.  If I was 90 pounds I would still have a fat neck.  BLAST!!

P.P.S. here is a youtube video of a thyroidectomy if you aren't easily grossed out.  Enjoy.