I had a big, important interview today. As I was getting ready the inevitable distractions and obstacles began. I started running a bath and got in. The door flies open and nakey-man Flynn comes running in and does a tub bomb right into my bath. Normally this is just an annoyance but today he had a raunchy, poopy butt. I had to jump up and undo the stopper and turn the relaxing bath into a poop scouring shower. Not exactly how I envisioned my relaxation, "little engine that could" meditation time.
After the bath I was doing make up and finding clothes when I hear Flynn screaming "LOOK, SOPHIE LOOK AT MY HEE HEE!! IT IS GETTING BIGGER!!!" Hee Hee is his man parts. I come out and he is tugging away at Hee Hee to make it bigger and just so proud of himself. He was so proud that he was grinning from ear to ear with excitement. Maybe I am naive, maybe in denial, but I thought I had about 7-10 years before I had to deal with THIS. I don't want to damage my children by making them think these kinds of "discoveries" are taboo, so I was formulating a response, when. . .
Well it got way more fun before it got better because the need to pee struck and when this happens it is an extreme emergency with him. He gets performance anxiety. I usually let him run around in his birthday suit since we are potty training. Otherwise he just soils whatever he is wearing before we reach the final destination. So, he runs in and hops up on the potty, in his sit down style. We haven't graduated to stand up pottying yet, since he isn't tall enough to pop it over the edge. He starts freaking out because his Hee Hee wouldn't go down so he could pee. "MY HEE HEE IS STUCK!!!" Then Sophie joined in the hysteria. "MOMMY!!! FLYNN'S WEINER IS STUCK!!" They were both sobbing and hyperventilating. We get the situation under control and then. . .
Five minutes later Flynn decided to add some fuel to the fire and flushed one of Sophie's necklaces down the toilet. She popped right back into hysterical meltdown role and he decided to try and fix the situation by plunging the toilet and flinging potty water all over the place. My bathroom was a flood zone of germy, nasty potty water. I almost went into OCD mode but need to get to interview mode prevailed.
I sure as hell hope my neighbor was asleep, at work, or struck by hysterical deafness at this point. I was laughing so hard I was sobbing and both of the kids were off the chain freaked out. After all of the tricks and treats, I had to bust ass to get ready for the interview and still allow enough time to get the kids to my grandma's. Then I had the usual obstacles of unexpected street work and driving behind old men going 15, and not being able to find the right entrance to the ER. I made it with one minute to spare.
I still don't quite know what to do with the Hee Hee incident but I think it broke the tiny bit of terror I felt about interviewing for a job I may not quite be qualified for. Who can be stressed about that kind of stuff after a show like mine? And there we have it. . .The case of the Hee Hee Hysteria.
After the bath I was doing make up and finding clothes when I hear Flynn screaming "LOOK, SOPHIE LOOK AT MY HEE HEE!! IT IS GETTING BIGGER!!!" Hee Hee is his man parts. I come out and he is tugging away at Hee Hee to make it bigger and just so proud of himself. He was so proud that he was grinning from ear to ear with excitement. Maybe I am naive, maybe in denial, but I thought I had about 7-10 years before I had to deal with THIS. I don't want to damage my children by making them think these kinds of "discoveries" are taboo, so I was formulating a response, when. . .
Well it got way more fun before it got better because the need to pee struck and when this happens it is an extreme emergency with him. He gets performance anxiety. I usually let him run around in his birthday suit since we are potty training. Otherwise he just soils whatever he is wearing before we reach the final destination. So, he runs in and hops up on the potty, in his sit down style. We haven't graduated to stand up pottying yet, since he isn't tall enough to pop it over the edge. He starts freaking out because his Hee Hee wouldn't go down so he could pee. "MY HEE HEE IS STUCK!!!" Then Sophie joined in the hysteria. "MOMMY!!! FLYNN'S WEINER IS STUCK!!" They were both sobbing and hyperventilating. We get the situation under control and then. . .
Five minutes later Flynn decided to add some fuel to the fire and flushed one of Sophie's necklaces down the toilet. She popped right back into hysterical meltdown role and he decided to try and fix the situation by plunging the toilet and flinging potty water all over the place. My bathroom was a flood zone of germy, nasty potty water. I almost went into OCD mode but need to get to interview mode prevailed.
I sure as hell hope my neighbor was asleep, at work, or struck by hysterical deafness at this point. I was laughing so hard I was sobbing and both of the kids were off the chain freaked out. After all of the tricks and treats, I had to bust ass to get ready for the interview and still allow enough time to get the kids to my grandma's. Then I had the usual obstacles of unexpected street work and driving behind old men going 15, and not being able to find the right entrance to the ER. I made it with one minute to spare.
I still don't quite know what to do with the Hee Hee incident but I think it broke the tiny bit of terror I felt about interviewing for a job I may not quite be qualified for. Who can be stressed about that kind of stuff after a show like mine? And there we have it. . .The case of the Hee Hee Hysteria.
O M G Your life is exhausting. =)
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